Goodbye B

I just lost the B from my FWB.

I’m happy for him, but am feeling seriously bummed and can’t work out why. Or rather I can’t rationalise the reason I’m feeling bummed. Perhaps because I know I can’t replace him. Because even after…like 6 months I was still sexually shy with him.

After over coming my whore #FAIL (which I was spurred to do after Wonder Whore weighed in on the situation) I ended up spending a pretty decent night with my FWB last week I’ve been dying to write about it, However I simply couldn’t bring myself to write about it without his permission. I’ve got pretty strong morals and try to have clear boundaries (at least with him I have boundaries, I won’t call him unless I’ve texted him first etc) and writing about having sex with him … Well I wouldn’t want to violate his privacy, even though he’s obviously anonymous, I’d still be scared he would see it and feel violated. Even if he never saw it I just couldn’t. I may have mentioned him, but never any of the juicy details….

So I finally send him a text message to ask if he’s be open to the idea of me writing about having sex with him. Takes him a while to respond, which is fair enough, It’s kind of a hard question to ask.

Turns out he’s open to me writing about having sex with him, but I won’t be having sex with him anymore… He went and got himself a girlfriend! I’m really happy for him, yet I’m bummed. But Can’t figure out why I’m bummed, or at least rationalise Why I feel bummed.

I believe in open relationships, Even if we were more than friends I wouldn’t have had an issue with him having sex with others. I’m not jealous. But I’m bummed… Why The Fuck am I so bummed When I’m so happy for him?

He’s a great guy, I don’t have the ability to be in a real relationship with anyone, so why do I feel so fucking down?

I guess I’m not as great as I thought I was, in the sense of detaching my heart from sex. Yet I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with him, I simply wanted to fuck him senseless. Perhaps it’s because he ended it rather than me? Am I really that shallow? Or is it because I regret holding back and not fully exploring the things I wanted to. I really, really wanted to feel him blow down my throat and anal… I wanted to have anal with him. (If I could have anal with him I could have anal with anyone.)

I seriously do #FAIL when it comes to being a whore. I will get around to writing about that night, along with the many others, but I just can’t do it right now. I can’t write about having great sex with him whilst I’m still grieving for that sex.

Perhaps I’m so bummed because in the past when mates have met new girlfriends, the new girlfriends get jealous and are threatened by their boyfriends having female friends. If that happened I think I really would be crushed.

Anyway I’m going to go hide under my doonah watch the Amazing Race and get the fuck over it.

I wish they had craigslist for the area I live in, I need a new B!

Violet xx

Latest News, Screws & Soon to be Reviews

All the Things going on Behind the Scenes In my World

[sorry about the post title, but I have a thing for stupid rhymes]
[EDIT - for more of my sexual exploits, sex toy reviews and more sexy fun, visit my blog at its new adress www.screaming-violet.com - All the posts that you find here are already there, as well as lots of new ones...So cum visit me there!!]
This week started off pretty boring and mundane. But by Monday night I was with FWB, holed up in a great Hotel room screwing his brains out – I’m working on a post about that. (& probably an addendum to my we vibe2 review after using it with him)

Tuesday sucked, Although the goodbye kiss was sweet. I’m considering whether or not to ask FWB exactly what it is he wants from me??? I’ve been thinking that having friends with benefits is almost like having your own personal free prostitute (I do love the idea of being a professional whore, but doubt my exploits will get me boosted up out of the amateur leagues of Whore-dom!) and wonder what kind of professional service he’d like the most. The quick suck and fuck? Or a decent GFE (Girl Friend Experience)? Even something in between. I just have to work out how to ask him.

I know that X would certainly choose the suck & fuck option, but never quite know which direction FWB will go when given more than one choice. However after a few little things the other night I think he’d lean towards the GFE side of things. I’ll to get that post finished before the weekend. Along with the 55 million others that are still in draft form.

In Other Breaking News In the World Of Violet…..

I’m Now Officially a Sex Toy Reviewer

I’m pretty sure I can say that considering I got my first Package of Sex Toys to Review delivered to my door this evening -> All thanks to the lovely Nicole from AdultSexToys.com

Whoo Hooo!

I finally got my Hands on the OhMiBod I’ve been physically craving… And I’ve lost the usb cord for the iPod! Such a Violet Thing to do.

My Celebrity Crush has a Sex Video

No, Not Dave Grohl… Although I think he’ll make me cum once I find that pesky iPod cable! (did I mention FWB looks like DG ★ score!!)

I’m talking about my female Celebrity crush – you did realise I’m bi when I want to be right? Well If you didn’t know, now you do.

Anyway Kendra Wilkinson is my #1 female celebrity crush. It’s odd when I get a crush going for a celebrity, it’s often because of their personality on top of their looks. Like Kendra rises above Eliza Dushku and Julia Styles, even Anna Paquin(she’s currently my #2) I guess because she’s funny and real. I kinda feel bad for her that a sex tape has leaked. But christ, she fucked Hugh Hefner, and posed nude a gazzillion times, but still I feel a bit bad… but not bad enough not to share her hotness.

EDIT: June 18 2010

Actually I feel so bad that was all ‘yay’ Kendra has a sex tape that I pulled this whole post off of my new blog @ screaming-Violet.com

Why? Because Although she is hot & has posed nude plenty of times, this video was released without her consent – & it also appears it was filmed without her consent, I haven’t seen the whole tape – But if Kendra wasn’t even fully consenting to the filming of her ‘sex’ tape – well it fucking disgusts me.

I took the post on screaming-Violet.com well over a week ago & I fully intend to write an open letter of Apology to Kendra for both displaying Images of her on my blog, but even linking to the leacherous mongrels selling the tape. I’m not afraid to be called a hypocrit, But when I saw a quick snip from her tv show in which Kendra and her wonderful husband Hank have a disagreement due to this stupid shit – I wanted to vomit. I’m as bad as the letch that pressured her into making the tape & then waited for her to become famous -> only to finally sell it after she became a mum. Shame on you – shame on me for publicising it no matter how small an audience I have.

I will be writing a full and Public open letter of Apology to Kendra

I just have to find the time. But for what little it is work I’m sorry Kendra

Violet xx

The State Of My Unions

When 2 Sexual Partners aren’t Enough

I have openly called myself a whore, it is in fact something I embrace and even enjoy – but you need my permission to call me that ok?

So, the state of my unions. I have my(sometimes) X, I’m just going to call him x from now on. He wasn’t my first (far from it actually) nor is he my last. X and I got together when I was 16, way back in 1995. It was hot, it was passionate, it was explosive – but not always in a good way. We loved, we fought, we broke up, we got horny, we hooked up then got back together. Over & Over & Over Again.

After one such rather violent break up, I found out I was pregnant. If I hadn’t been…My life could be very very different. You’re not interested in all those details, so fast forward to now.

I also have my FWB, but haven’t seen him for almost 6 weeks. He lives a couple of hours away which makes things difficult. Also the last time I saw him he was having to move out of what had become ‘my hideout’ and didn’t have anywhere to move to until the very last moment when a work colleague offered him a room to rent.

I don’t know if he still wants ‘benefits’ (the last lot of benefits were amazing!) but he has stayed in touch via text. I just don’t know how to say or rather ask – ‘Do you still want benefits?’ I’ve pretty much thrown free sex at him, yet he doesn’t say yay or nay. Nor even hint to what he might want. I think he thinks I want more than sex – but just fucking is fine by me – the whore lol! (I do care for him and am not a shallow person, I’ll continue to love and car ’til he tells me to stop, but I don’t want anything from him other than sex and respect)

If the sex wasn’t so satisfying I’d forget about it and wait for him to want me. For all I know he could have a new girlfriend, in which case I should move on. I know he won’t tell me if he did. He would lie to me to prevent me getting hurt, although the lie would hurt me more than any truth.

I just love his ‘mad skillz’ and his huge cock. It is so nice to feel full to capacity, and he can do truly amazing things with his fingers and his tongue. I would love to try my new We Vibe2 with him – but fear that it would be a very very tight fit. He knows I have it, and although he has mentioned it, sadly no offer to help me take it for a spin with him. Maybe I could say I needed to test it as a couple for ‘work’…might work

I do have to go see him next week to pick something up, but I doubt it will be anything more than that. I need a new FWB… Anyone Interested? I wish Country Australia had Craig’s list…

And then there is x. He works interstate and he left our shared house (we live together) the other day. He will be back, mostly every other weekend. I recently broke down and started fucking him again, I can’t go that long without sex. I just can’t. Lately with x the sex has been Mind-blowing, especially since getting my We Vibe2 I have been having the most intense orgasms I’ve ever had!

But now x too is gone. This horny little house wife is going to become a sexorexic soon. My sex life is very Geographically Impaired! I can’t wait for my next shipment of toys to arrive. I’m already sexually frustrated!

I’m going to speak to fwb on Monday, work out what he wants, if anything and go from there. I just don’t know how to go about it.

Any Suggestions?

Violet xx

[EDIT] 25th May – Just got back from spending a rather pleasurable night with FWB & my new We Vibe2!!! Should have a post up soon regarding our evening filled with carnal pleasures